I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dignity is for republicans.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
