I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
