Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
