they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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