I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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