I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
