Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
