just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
