Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize