Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
