I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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