He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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