In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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