i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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