My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
