my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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