she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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