Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
