so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
