omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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