I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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