Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
