Where is the hickey?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
