thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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