party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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