I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
