dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
