Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We just shotgunned beers for America
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
