just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
