my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
