lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
