Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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