Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
