all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
