okay pat passed out under dana's car
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
