I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
