sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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