How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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