Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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