I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
