Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
