the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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