My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
