Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
