Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
