I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
