i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
