Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
