I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
