You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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