I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
